I've always wanted to be a mom.
When I was two, I was already being a mom to my newborn brother who my mom found me carrying down the hardwood hallway announcing, "he's crying!" My whole life I've mothered a million baby dolls and barbies.
I've always wanted to be a mom.
I've envisioned myself pregnant since high school, sticking my belly out after a big meal and dreaming in the mirror. I daydreamed about babysitting, dressing up little toddlers, pushing them in strollers. Thankfully I was shy enough not to steal every persons baby at church, but I did have those favorites that I would always be holding after the service.
I've always wanted to be a mom.
If someone would have told me that I would meet the man beyond my dreams, get married a year later, be pregnant with twins a year after that, and have two more children all before I'd been married 5 years, I would have laughed with overwhelming joy! This is what I always wanted, but never really planned, or dreamed it would happen. We didn't plan twins, we didn't plan Canon, and we sure didn't plan little Champ. But here they are, wonderful, healthy, perfect, all very young and close together. Exactly what I would want.
The hard part is, as I'm growing older I'm also desiring other things. To really pursue my husband and have more time with him, to be involved in his ministry, to have a small ministry of my own, to serve others more, to have longer quiet times, to take up cooking and crafty/sewing hobbies, to work out, simply... to be more involved. I fully realize that this is a short time in my life and I want with all that I am to soak it in. I want to relish in this time before it is too quickly gone, but I don't want to focus so much on it that I lose track of the other things that are so important as well. I know many mothers feel this way during these "times" of our lives. That is why community is so important. Friends and encouragement are so important. A fresh, Godly perspective is so important. We can't just say, "oh, I'll do that or get to that when my youngest is 3." Because if we don't make a habit of things now, we'll never really do it.
I love love love having babies, love being pregnant (even though my pregnancies are difficult), love just watching and learning about my kids.
I've always wanted to be a mom.
Not a perfect mom, or the mom with perfect kids, just a regular mom. Trying her hardest and each day trying to figure out her "role": Dependent on the Lord.
Happy Mothers Day :) a little late